Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
