glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
