Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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