yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
