Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
