Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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