I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
