dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
