Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
