Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
