i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sarcasm needs its own font
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
