i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
