I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
