my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
