I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
