I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
