just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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