I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
