It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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