her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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