I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
