some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
