do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
