You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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