You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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