Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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