when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
