Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
