At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
