I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
