I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
there is glitter all over my balls
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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