I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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