Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
