3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
