Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
