I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Acid is not a monday night drug
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
