note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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