Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
