Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
