i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
