RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
