im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
