He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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