You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
