my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
