I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
