we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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