Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
