After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
