I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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