Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
