i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
