just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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