I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
